im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
