just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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