woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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