I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
