And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
