Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
i think i just lost a toe
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
