i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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