But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
