apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
