i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i drank out of a bidet.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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