Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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