If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
