Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Houston, we have a blender
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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