I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
