My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
