she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
