I'm drive I can fine osifer
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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