i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
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Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
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I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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