I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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