I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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