We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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