So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
