i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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