I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
