i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I need moral support for this bender
I will be naked everywhere
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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