Pants 0. Shit 1.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
