So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
