I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
