I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
