I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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