have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
