This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
