You just made me feel so damn special
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
