This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
