why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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