Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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