it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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