so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
