he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
