white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
