I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
