Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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