distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
