thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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