I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
is wine microwaveable?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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