Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
