she looked like the before picture.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
