I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
