He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
