Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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