The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
the liver wants what the liver wants
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
