I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
