I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I need to stop coming to work sober
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
