if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
