If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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