If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The uberlube is also flammable
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
