I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
