i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
