I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
