My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
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Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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