So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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