You can't motorboat a personality
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
