First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
