here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
