I want to walk on stilts...naked
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
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