you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
