I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
