I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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