Quick, to the slutcave!
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
