i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
