I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
