This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
