So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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