he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He did a backflip because drugs
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