she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
