cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
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I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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