his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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