Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
MIDGETS
????
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
