I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
